This morning I went about my daily routine which includes jumping onto the computer while I jump onto the exercise bike. I got everything set up__ bike alongside bed with pillow as platform for mouse, wallmount screen turned just so, coffee on drafting table on other side of bike [small space, yes], keyboard within reach, everything set but no mouse. I had just had it 2 seconds before.
I looked everywhere. Places I hadn't even gone yesterday. I got on the floor and looked under the desk. I looked in the closet. I went into the kitchen and looked in the freezer. I haven't been in the freezer for at least 24 hrs. In short, I looked everywhere including the dog's bed. Well, I didn't check Matt's room but he'd already left for work before all of this started so what was the point in that?
I was approaching meltdown.
In case I haven't mentioned it, I've been having approaches to meltdown, immanent meltdown or just plain hysterical meltdowns rather often lately. They're not particularly fun and rather alarming for Matt. Mostly I think they're med related and I'm going to be asking for another change here when I can get an appointment but onward with the story.
In order to try and circumnavigate these little bouts I've increased my exercise routines, started meditating more and am really trying to be cognizant of behavior control before I start to fall apart because I can't do something the way I used to be able to.
I made it about halfway before I tore the bed apart.
Oh, not literally. But I pulled the blanket off and shook it, tossed it aside. Same thing with the top sheet. And again with the body pillow. Gave the evil eye to the two bed pillows and threw them in the pile on the floor. And there before me was the naked bottom sheet with a keyboard and screen remote__and no mouse. At this point I figured I could do a few different things. All I had to do was pick one.
I decided to laugh. Not chuckle, laugh. Out loud. Really loud. Rollicking, rolling laughter. [Yes, I am aware that could be construed as hysterical behavior] I simply have gotten tired of crying__and railing__and ranting. So I laughed. Then I asked those you cannot see but who are always there [I refer to them as spirit guides] what it was they wanted? What was I supposed to learn from losing the mouse? What Message were they imparting? Because it had to be them. There couldn't possibly be any other explanation. None. I wouldn't, couldn't accept one anyway because I had looked for the *(&^&%^*&(*_) mouse in every conceivable place and some really inconceivable ones and it had simply disappeared.
And as I stood laughing I happened to look down at the foot of the newly made bed and right in front of me was the mouse. On top of the blanket just all bright and sparkly.
Very funny guys.
What was it they were trying to say? Well it didn't show up until I started to laugh so the message I got from the entire ordeal was
Lighten Up
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