It has been an interesting few days. I mean this in the 'May you have an interesting life' context.
I think I'll make this chronological instead of import.
Last week I went to see the orthopedist about my right shoulder. The rheumatologist has been giving me cortisone injections in the bursa [ for bursitis] over the last few months but it wasn't improving and the last shot caused a great deal of pain. No more cortisone. Anyway, she was on vacation when I felt a Pop! in my shoulder and could no longer lift my right arm. This is inconvenient. It's my dominant hand. Anyway, after having an MRI it was discovered that my entire rotator cuff is basically gone. The pop was the last remaining tissue holding it all together. To top that off it is unlikely that I will be eligible for shoulder replacement or any kind of reconstruction as the RA I have will just destroy the new joint. So I am now listed as having a partially paralyzed right arm. This as opposed to completely paralyzed. Lovely.
Over the w/e Sari, our tortoiseshell cat, died. I blame myself completely. She had been showing signs of illness but I was so preoccupied with my own troubles that I waited too long to get her to the vet. In all honesty I didn't think it was that severe but when I brought her outside Fri. morning she just laid down in the sun and wouldn't eat her breakfast. When I went back a few minutes later she was gone. I mean she had wandered off. She never came back. Matt found her body in the tall grass at the edge of the yard yesterday evening. He buried her at the edge of the woods. I am eaten with guilt. If I hadn't been so short sided and self-centered she may have made it through. I will never know.
Then one of Matt's friends started a whole melodrama and dragged Matt into it. Oh, not directly but by inference in dealings that had nothing at all to do with Matt and everything to do with this friend and his lack of any kind of judgement. Now things have become tense . Matt made a stand and told this person to stay away from him and the house. Never come and darken our door again kind of thing. It's sad as he and Matt have been friends since grade school.
Then last night my front tooth [a cap] fell off. Charming. Now I have to go looking for a dentist. I hate going to the dentist [who doesn't] but especially one I've never been to before as my old one has moved away. So I picked one out of the phone book. This one had the most positive reviews in the area so we'll see. Once again it's the RA. It's affecting all my systems including my teeth, hair, nails and skin not just the joints and connective tissue. If this dentist turns out to be any good he'll probably be seeing much more of me. * sigh * In the meantime I am gap-toothed. Oh, and partially paralyzed. And grumpy. And riddled with guilt. I may be approaching the 'old pirate' time of life. I could trade in my cane and use one of Matt's decorative swords instead. Tie on a bandanna and Whoosh! Madame Snarly on your starboard deck, Mateys.
So on a positive note ___ wait, I'll come up with something. Oh, yes. The pellets for our heating system are here and loaded in the basement. This is a very good thing as all the prognostications are for a cold, cold winter here. But then again it was supposed to be a bad hurricane season and so far [knock on wood] that hasn't happened.
I hope your last few days have gone better. And here's to a beautiful and uneventful, at least in the negative way, Fall __ or maybe I should use the word Autumn.
This sounds stupid, but it might help:
ReplyDeleteI forgive you for Sari dying. You are not a vet. You are a wonderful person, but not a cat doctor. If you'd been a vet, I can see berating yourself. But you are not a vet... and you didn't know. Had you known your actions would have been different.
(This is very similar to what a friend said to me after Mew died (I didn't realise how sick he was, either). It helped. *hug* She had a good life with you -- more than she'd have had anywhere else.
As to the rotator cuff, I'd ask how long a replacement is likely to work for you, given the RA. ASk that question... because it might be longer than you think, and having use of your arm for longer might be worth it. (Also, having delved into the realm of replacement parts, I know that medical professionals say weird things... like... "We don't give knee replacements to young people because you'll only need another in 20 years.")
Sunny and Ladybug send their love along with mine. *dumps a whole buncha love in your yard*
(LOL... why does that sound like a reality show about Public Displays of Affection?)
Oh Miki, those words just touched my heart. I had no idea I needed to hear them. Thank you. (((hugs)))
Delete*hug* You are so welcomed. ♥
DeleteI am so sorry you blame yourself for your cat's death. Cats don't usually show signs of illness until they are fairly well along. I hope you can think of her, pain free, running and playing. There probably wouldn't have been much you could have done. Here's to better days.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Benni. It's hard knowing I let an animal suffer. I'll get past it but it's still hard.
DeleteAnd better days all around, hey?!
I send hugs. I want to also say how amazing it is that your precious Sari was able to pass quietly and without much trouble. I am certain she needed to go in that way if not for you then certainly for herself. There is much love in her passing... Yet I do imagine you miss her so.
ReplyDeleteMiki's advice about the RA and surgery sounds right on. More hugs.
Thank you, Mel. I am having a bit of a time over this but I'm sure to bounce back. I always do. And you're right about Sari. She was a tough little creature and I have no doubt she'll be fine where she is now [yes I believe animals have souls and continue on]. And at least she's no longer in pain or ill.
DeleteAnd the thing about rebuilding the shoulder? It requires financing. And if medicare doesn't approve the procedure then I can't get it and it's likely to be refused because of the RA. As the ortho said, even if he managed to screw and wire it together in a few months all the artificial parts would start to fall out. Then he told me about a Dr. who does complete shoulder joint reconstruction but the procedure is extensive and the recovery time measured in years. It's unlikely I'd qualify for that either. But like I said to him, there are many one-armed people in the world getting on just fine. I just need to adjust to the idea. And hey, I will still have two hands. I may not be able to use my right very effectively but it'll still be there.
ReplyDeleteYou have a most excellent attitude.
Delete*gentle hugs* I am so sorry you are having such a tough time. Everyone is right about Sari. Cats hide illness well. She's at the Rainbow Bridge with Cleo. I hope there is something they can do for your arm, Best wishes with the dentist. I have had a constant struggle with my teeth forever & it sucks.
ReplyDeleteI feel for you with the teeth issue. I never really had much trouble with mine until the last few years and it is...well, it sux. I'd have them all pulled on the top and wear a plate but I can't do that as the autoimmune illnesses I have , well, nevermind. Enough about lousy health. I'll just sit here and picture Sari and Cleo discussing 'things'. Something along the lines of Our Town. LoL
DeleteAw, I'm so sorry about Sari. I do like to think that Cleo will care for her though. She always said that most of her best friends were in the computer, but I'm sure she likes caring for them in person as much if not more so. My aunt (my sidekick's sister) had RA, and all I can say is, "It sucks; it just plain sucks." She always looked on the bright side, and it's the best advice I know how to give. I suspect that she, too, is at the Rainbow Bridge, waiting for her beloved "Faith" with whom she enjoyed agility contests even though she could barely move quickly enough to give commands. Getting older is hardly a just reward for a virtuous life, so you deserve better, but that doesn't seem to be the way it works. Instead, we get to appreciate the things that are left to us, which we used to take for granted.
ReplyDeleteLike excellent friends... (((hugs ))) to you.
DeleteMini, Chuck, Gigi and Piglette send hugs for Sari.
ReplyDeleteIs complete replacement completely ruled out? My friend's sister had to have advocates fight for her coverage to have her feet operated on. It has been an uphill battle for her, but she is making small advances here and there. Hugs to you.
Thank you, Rei. I don't think I'd qualify but Matt wants at least a second opinion. And I need to talk to medicare and see what if any they would finance. And really, if it's a long recovery time it's unlikely it would work. That joint would start to deteriorate during rehab and then it would be time to start over.
Delete*hugs*
ReplyDeleteI meant to stop by and read this earlier, but got sidetracked.
*hugs*
(((hugs))) back. :)
ReplyDelete